We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
