If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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