Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
