My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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