I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
