you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
