I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
