I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
