Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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