I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
