True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
