Yo dont text me then not text me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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