opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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