Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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