The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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