I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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