Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
