just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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