1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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