Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
