Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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