Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
