I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
