Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
