My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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