Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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