is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
