I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
