and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
