i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
