Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
