first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
