maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
