her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
