see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
