I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
