Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
