I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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