I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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