People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
