Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
