Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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