You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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