I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
