let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
