I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
