hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
