What did we do last night that was yellow?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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