You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
