Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
