i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
should my penis look like a turkey
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
