never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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