she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
